Scribblings From Inside The Sane Asylum...

Know What I Mean?

I have a confession..one of those confessions that feels good to make. A confession of regret.... even though we say "we want to live a life without regrets."  That's a tough affirmation. I do have regrets. Just think of the things I could have done better. What beauty in life I have missed but just  did not notice. How many people have I trespassed against, with me not knowing? How many conversations have I had that with just one more word of encouragement could have made a difference. When was I not present and that small child tried to get my attention. What life celebrations have I missed. How many times have I turned my eye from others who cling to the torn fragments of Humanity, and just needed to be acknowledged. Did I ever laugh when I should have cried. And why at three score and ten do I regret at all?

These are not burdens you see, these are my life's lessons. I try to acknowledge as many as I can and let my mind know they were only choices I made. Some with knowledge, some not so much. Some made out of boast and confidence and some not so much. Just a collection of my life experiences.

That brings me to my deepest regret..."wish I would have made the distinction... that through all those years doing my best, I could have done better." But how would I have known?

When you finally collect enough of those experiences you can look back and kinda grade yourself on your tribal behaviors. Yep, that sucked...and still does kinda. No, not kinda, it still sucks.  Something like that. I tend to focus on the ones that suck first. But just any kind of system to make you smile about some pretty stupid choices. It was only today at lunch I wished I had not ate that large bowl of chili with beans...a regular bowl would have been fine. But right now that grande bowl really sucks. See what I mean? It can be any stupid shit we do, and hell, sometimes I do them over again, knowing full well I'm going to regret it. So don't give me that bull shit about no regrets...

Just teasing. You stay strong and determined not to have any regrets your whole entire life if you wish. Just don't eat that big bowl of chili and beans... know what I mean?

 I even regret this silly scribbling...just teasing...:)RSVP vs Regrets Only... Doc

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Therapy...intuition

"Can one really distinguish the difference between their intuition and their subconscious fear?"

Notes From The Underground...

The “primary consciousness,” the basic mind which knows reality rather than ideas about it, does not know the future. It lives completely in the present, and perceives nothing more than what is at this moment. The ingenious brain, however, looks at that part of present experience called memory, and by studying it is able to make predictions. These predictions are, relatively, so accurate and reliable (e.g., “everyone will die”) that the future assumes a high degree of reality — so high that the present loses its value.

But the future is still not here, and cannot become a part of experienced reality until it is present. Since what we know of the future is made up of purely abstract and logical elements — inferences, guesses, deductions — it cannot be eaten, felt, smelled, seen, heard, or otherwise enjoyed. To pursue it is to pursue a constantly retreating phantom, and the faster you chase it, the faster it runs ahead. This is why all the affairs of civilization are rushed, why hardly anyone enjoys what he has, and is forever seeking more and more. Happiness, then, will consist, not of solid and substantial realities, but of such abstract and superficial things as promises, hopes, and assurances.

Psychology offers another humbling epiphany. There is a vulnerability that you must accept once you start to unravel the biases, fallacies, and heuristics. The story you tell yourself to explain yourself is imperfect. Your personal narrative is bent and twisted and inaccurate, and that's beautiful because it's true for all of us.

I take great pleasure in accepting this because I feel a unity in the humility, in the recognition that we are a community of messy, stumbling, fumbling beings tumbling through space wrestling with a confusing gift of consciousness. For me, that has led to a sense of empathy I never knew until I saw my own flaws reflected in the species as a whole, and the flaws of the species reflected in myself.

And so it goes...Doc

Stopped To Ponder...division

There are no absolute boundaries and divisions in this world, only transition points where one set of relations yields prevalence to another. 

So in essence...we are Edgewalkers...

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Therapy...coping Practice

"Coping...it is an on going daily process. Some days better than others. Deal with it..."

Balancing the anger and hurt of your yesterdays with the fear and anxiety of your tomorrows is an awareness, a consciousness that your brain and mind are trying to weave it's way through life without dying. The brain does not know the difference. It just wants to retain its oxygen to live. Welcome those moments of adjustment each day. May as well... they will always show up like visitors to your door. Your bag full of emotions just needing a little attention which could lead to new choices... or not. Just a friendly thump on the head. We can ignore and live with tension and dis ease, or we may even think about our choices and draw some conclusions about our personal state of affairs. We may ponder those choices. Sometimes we even change our beliefs about our life and try to live with those new thoughts for a while. Like a warm sweater in that moment, but this new way of thinking takes practice to test your new perceptional bias.

These visitors show up as perturbations in your mind. Like...thoughts that go bump in the night. Interesting how the mind/brain works. No, a fascinating process. You see, you can be an observer of your thoughts and even participate in that inner dialog.

There is one dynamic that seems to hold some truth about our current state of being human. It is this..."a person will not alter behavior of thought until the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain of change itself."

You see, your brain and mind are always active in states of "dis ease". If not acted upon we will surly suffer "disease". Sometimes we fail...we learn...try again...coping practice... as we weave our way through this beautiful process called living and dying in three quarter time...No guarantees, no time out, and no do overs...

Your success in life is not measured by the happiness you attain, but by the way you adjust to life after it hands you a bum deal...it is learned behavior...so practice...Doc

Lemme Think About It...why is it?

"Why is it...when you are driving you turn down the music so you can see the street address?"

Lemme Think About It...dreams

"What do blind people dream?"

Footnote:
 The more recollection a person has of sight, the more visuals will appear in the dream. This becomes less and less as they age, the memory of vision fades away.

People that never experienced sight, fill their dreams with the other senses they process in their daily life.

Their dreams contain sound and smell; they can even register the sense of taste and touch. An interesting fact that jumped out for the researchers, was that people who are blind from birth are four times more likely to have nightmares than people with vision.

They couldn’t come with a conclusive answer on how this is possible. They did however come up with a theory. Nightmares are a way for our brain to cope with threats surrounding us in our daily lives. Because one of their senses is missing, blind people tend to be more fragile in situations, where another person would normally relay on his sight.

Spam...

Ever Considered This?

Lemme Think About It...

"There's a really good chance that the thoughts in my head
will eventually exit my mouth."

From Inside The Sane Asylum

Happy Halloween...

Lemme Think About It...really

                                                   "Would mad cow dis-ease be considered the same as moo dis-order?" 

Entry Note To Self..."a lot like people that way"

Denys: [to Karen, whose horse has run away, leaving her at the mercy of an approaching lion] I wouldn't run. If you do, she'll think you're something good to eat. 

Karen Blixen: [staring at lion] Have you - Do you have a gon ? 

Denys: She won't like the smell of you. 

Karen Blixen: Shoot - shoot it. 

Denys: She's had breakfast. 

Karen Blixen: Please shoot her. 

Denys: Well, let's give her a moment. 

Karen Blixen: [as lion comes closer] Oh my god, shoot her ! 

[Lion approaches Karen then wanders off into brush]

Karen Blixen: Just how much closer did you expect to let her come ? 

Denys: A bit. It wanted to see if you'd run. That's how they decide. A lot like people that way. 

Karen Blixen: She almost had me for lunch ! 

Denys: Well, it wasn't her fault, baroness. She's a lion. 

Karen Blixen: Well, it wasn't mine. 

Denys: Doesn't that outfit come with a rifle ? 

Karen Blixen: Ye-ah, uh. 

[looks around]

Karen Blixen: On my saddle. 

Denys: Better keep it with you. Your horse isn't much of a shot. 

Entry Note To Self...journeys

"If you don't change your direction, you may end up where your headed."

Reminds me of something Ole Opossum man told me not long ago... "You know the direction your headed is a lot more important than how fast you get there?" Something along those lines. A little different from  " the journey is more important than the destination," which stands on its own, as just enjoy the journey.  A systemic belief of sorts. Your choice to where you are going and who you want to be are the parents of enjoying beauty along that journey to your destination. It's "all" about the choices we make, don't you think?

I was walking alone the beach the other day looking at the destruction of Sir Matthew. Sad to me...not so much with how Matthew touched and bruised the shore, but of the human garbage that spills from the sea. Was there ever a Humanity to lose? A topic for another time, but it hurts to see something so unnatural.

Speaking of unnatural...each time I walk the beach I look for what "they" call Sea Glass. Just busted bottles of all shapes and colors. When these bottles are broken,  plummeted and scared by the ocean they become an item that gives for many a moment to look down and focus. Focus on something that does not look normal among the sand and char of shells. Something unnatural looking... I noticed that if you are walking along with others, and they are also looking for this fools gold, and one stops and looks down, everyone stops and looks down. That does not mean a damn thing...does it?  Just something I noticed along "that" journey that day. Also noticed this...that every time you find a piece of this Sea Glass... "look harder because there will be other pieces here," will be heard, from someone... It's true, and now I have formed a heuristic belief around that fact. That leads us to some deduction. Is it some physics involved that puts two pieces together or is it the heuristic belief kicks in and you look a little harder for the beauty you are searching? Really doesn't matter...does it? It is a choice of sorts. Playing with both science and spirit, or beliefs if you wish.

It was a beautiful morning. I still recall the cloudless dark blue sky meeting the horizon. Two shrimp boats slowly working the Gulf Stream. The ocean had returned to a more natural rhythm that day. She was more relaxed and wanted to please your senses once more. A few sea birds returning after being hunkered down from a week of strong winds. My mind spoke to them as a kind jester... "I just downloaded an app to identify you by name and your habits and lore. I will get to know you more." Just a way of saying thanks...gratitude for showing up.

As a rule of thumb, (see another heuristic belief), in the warm months I walk downwind first to get the cool breeze walking home and just the reverse in the cool months. That day was in between so I just flipped a coin...damn, another heuristic thought. Down wind as I recall and the journey began.

A few months back, I wrote a post about the beach memorial I experienced on one of my morning walks. The fragile lady released the ashes in the gentle waves and placed a yellow rose as the tide carried him to sea...I was about 500 yards from that very spot when I spotted this yellow rose. Was it just the physics of the ocean that put it there that day? Or maybe I was just looking a little harder...to soothe the spirit of my memory?

Did it not begin with a choice and a belief? Why did I choose this journey this day? Maybe to just experience that fragile soul, still on her journey of sensing beauty, expressing gratitude, and experiencing foreignness. Or is it just Life? What a Journey...don't you agree? If you don't change your direction, you may end up where your going...

At play in the field of Now.."just thoughts"...Doc