”Hallelujah, Doc said my give a Sh_ **er is in remission.”
Journal Entry1/1/18
Let’s start the New Year with a friend and a grin...here is to Jess B. Rambling
I don’t know how many of you will remember my friend Jess B? You just may recall that Jess is one of the original Sane Asylum homesteaders.
It is Jess B in present tense and Jess Ben Rambling in past tense. Jess is a wondering pilgrim and not seen a lot in public, but on occasions he will have something to point out and in his cynical way make his presence known.
He usually likes to do nothing on most days and seems he never gets finished of doing nothing. He often relates, that if you never start anything you will never have to finish. He is also quick to remind you that Lolly Gagging and Dilly Dallying are skilled behaviors that must be practiced often.
Jess has this gift of finding Hysterical Sites. He will ponder, travel great distances and investigate well before he documents his findings. He is credited with documenting several pseudo normal sites in The Sane Asylum.
No one really sees much of Jess, but from time to time he will send me facts and pictures from some hysterical site he has run across. Like the time he found a street in Austin called West Street, but it really ran North and South. He sent me a picture of him holding a compass under the West Street Sign to validate his findings that it truly did run North and South. Or how about the time he traveled to St. Augustine to find the original St. Augustine Grass. Picture to prove it.
Then there was this intersection in rural Louisiana where North Tucker Road crossed South Tucker Road. That corner still puzzles Jess to this day. There is not a visit that goes by that he does not discuss it as a true sign we are living in The Matrix.
Well this morning look what walks through my door...Jess Ben, wearing an old pair of fatigue cutoffs and a green t-shirt with the inscription, “Johnny Barber co-ed benefit Softball Tournament 2008.” Don’t know why that caught me as rather strange, but it did.
I asked Jess where did he get that old t-shirt? He mumbled something that sounded like “County Jail”.
“A long story”, he said.
Nothing like a long story from Jess to whet the appetite or is it wet the appetite? Always get those confused. So, I pour him a whiskey over ice and listen to his tale.
The First Lie Of The New Year
As he tells it...
”I went down to get my drivers license renewed this morning. Made it through the long line, passed the eye test after a few tries, took my mug shot and went to the clerk’s office to pay for my renewal with my credit card. The clerk looked at my card, then at yours truly and said “strip down please”.
I really thought it was some new security requirement and proceeded to take my cloths off. It only took seconds and I was subdued by a large swarm of Security Guards, followed quickly by the local Police department Swat Team pushing me in the back of a Paddy Wagon.
The holding cell interview was just shy of water boarding, but I am sure it was to determine if I had been radicalized. Imagine that.
I kept telling them over and over that the clerk told me to strip down! They kept telling me that the clerk meant for you to slide your credit card ‘with the strip down’.
I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding, but I am out on bond, and wearing clothes from the discarded box in County Jail.
They said they needed to keep my clothes as evidence.”
Not half that bad on a good day...Doc
P.s...and yes, Jess’s give a sh**’er is still in remission.
